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Writings from Ed Pane
When Is It Time to Stop Raising “The Kid?”
Calls from parents asking for help for their addicted son or daughter happen regularly. I recall one woman who called telling me, “My Bobby is acting so disrespectful. I’m finding beer cans under his bed; he doesn’t have a job; he stays out all night and I have to...
Text Message Warfare
I listened with growing concern as the young man seated across from m described an argument with his girlfriend. As a counselor I stay aware of my facial expressions, so my clients feel comfortable describing their issues. But this one had my eyebrows raised with...
Too Many Keys to the Front Door
“Just how many keys are there to your front door?” That was the question I asked a young married couple that came for counseling. Family of origin issues (the families each came from) abounded. There were intrusions, confused loyalties and attempts to keep the...
Can We Skip the Part in the Middle?
My client presented her problem. Another family holiday meal was on the horizon. She knew that at some point it would degenerate from the usual, “It’s so good to see you. Look at how big your kids have grown!” to “I remember when you broke my toy truck in second...
It Wasn’t Raining When Noah Built the Ark
While this is directed to parents of younger children, I hope there is something in it for every mom and dad. Quite often I see or speak with parents who are at their wits end with their adolescent children. For certain, raising our children through their teenage...
Words
Be careful with your words,Once said they can be forgiven,not forgotten. ~ Carl Sandburg I’ve always liked Sandburg’s poetry. There’s a bluntness to some of it that gets right to the point. The one above grabbed me by the collar as if to say, “Remember that the next...
I Won’t Waste One More Today Waiting For a Better Tomorrow
She had been through a lot in her life. Growing up was difficult much of the time. She learned not to get her hopes up; that way she wouldn’t be disappointed when something went wrong. Trust was a big issue. After many broken promises, it wasn’t safe to believe in...
Disconnecting the Buttons
Client: "Why do my parents always know how to push my buttons?" Therapist: "Because they installed them." This brief exchange happened in my office. My client’s problem was clear from the question she asked. She found herself reacting to her parents and, what was...
Your Uncomfortable Comfort Zone
My client was discussing the angst one her aunts constantly put herself through. Day in, day out it was the same litany of complaints whenever she visited. She mused that there must be something in it for her because she showed no inclination to change anything, just...
